How to Love an Affectionate Lover

Your profile

Somebody has your wrist and you're going through a packed room. The whole place is sweating, the bass is in the floor, and nothing in you is worried.

And then the quiet one. Somebody lands on the couch beside you and your shoulders let go of an inch you didn't know they were holding. Since eight.

And it's never the hug — it's the hand still there after.

You're doing it all day and not on purpose. Your hand's on somebody's arm the second they make you laugh. You're first into a hug and last out. You sit closer than the couch asked for.

You figure it reads. That anybody would know what it means.

And when it thins out, somehow things cool off. You start feeling like you're behind glass. Somebody's four inches away and you're waving.

Okay, here's your secret wish. Eleven seconds of somebody's hand on the small of your back, and nothing has to come after it.

You could show me the spot right now.

And you've never once been wrong about it. Your body got there first.

What to say

None of these are a request. You say it, and the sentence is already the first half of it.

• "Come here."
• "Stay a minute."
• "I just miss you."

Then stay where you are. Nobody has to say anything else, and the second half takes care of itself.

What to do

Just be you. You're the one who hugs first. People end up next to you and couldn't tell you why.

Enjoy and celebrate everybody. Some people say it out loud. Some show up with something in their hand.

Only fall in love with your match. With somebody whose hands do what yours do, none of it needs explaining.

Glow with how good it feels. When somebody gets it right, let them feel you settle. That's what they were after.

Reach over first. You're allowed to be the one who starts it. It counts exactly the same when you did.

What not to do

Don't ask or coach someone to change. You can tell somebody exactly what you want. You can't hand them the wanting to.

Never criticize, get mad, or worse. Nobody has ever come closer after that.

Never fault someone for not being different — and that includes you. Closeness is just how it works for you. Everyone's got theirs.

For the long run

If you've ever felt like you were asking for too much — that wasn't you. It was the match. With your true match, it isn't effort. It's just who they are.

And it goes quiet on its own. Nobody decides that. Everybody's carrying something, and it opens an inch at a time until there's a whole couch in it.

So you reach over. You might want to wait and see. Everybody does that. Do it anyway.

Or just say let's go out. One night a week, on the calendar, actually protected. It's time to feel special, and sitting down next to somebody does the whole job.

And your shoulders will come down before you know why.

So sit closer. Then stay a second longer than you meant to.