How to Love a Loyal Lover

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Someone said "I'm proud of you" to you once and you still have it. You could probably tell me the sentence right now — who said it, where you were standing, what year.

That's how it gets in with you. Words.

And you give it the same way. You're the one who actually says it. You tell your friend she looks unreal. You tell someone when they did a good job. You notice out loud, on purpose.

So you assume everyone hears it the way you do. You say the thing, and you kind of wait for it to land in them like it lands in you.

And when it goes quiet you feel it way before you can explain it. Nothing's wrong. Nobody did anything. The room just sounds emptier, and you're rereading a text you already read, checking the tone.

Okay, here's your secret wish. You want to hear it again. The same thing. More.

You heard it the first time. The second time you start to feel it. Hearing it more just feels deeper.

And that's perfect for you.

What to say

None of these need a wind-up. Just say them.

• "I need to hear it, even when it's obvious."
• "Tell me what you liked about it."
• "Say that again."

Hinting doesn't work on you. Someone has to actually say the words for it to matter.

What to do

Just be you. You're the one who says it. That's the thing people tell other people about you.

Enjoy and celebrate everybody. Everyone is fluent in something.

Only fall in love with your match. With someone who speaks it natively, it just flows.

Glow with how good it feels. When someone gets it right, let them see it. People who love you are watching for that — it's how they know they landed.

Tell them. Say what fills you up. Anyone who loves you wants to know how. Watching you light up is the point.

What not to do

Don't ask or coach someone to change. You can teach someone your language. It's never going to be their first one.

Never criticize, get mad, or worse. It never got you the sentence you wanted.

Never fault someone for not being different — and that includes you. Words are just how it works for you. Everyone's got theirs.

For the long run

If you've ever felt like you were asking for too much — that wasn't you. It was the match. With your true match, it isn't effort. It's just who they are.

And it goes quiet on its own. Nobody decides that. Life gets loud, the sentences get shorter, and one day you realize you can't remember the last time anyone told you.

So you say it again. You might second-guess the wording — everyone does. Ask anyway.

Or just say let's go out. One night a week, on the calendar, actually protected. It's time to feel special, and the sentences come back on their own.

And one might get stuck in your head like a song.

So say it. Out loud. Then say it again.