How to Love a Thoughtful Lover

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You still have it. The thing somebody gave you for the part you don't lead with, that you mentioned once and didn't think anybody caught.

And they handed it over pleased with themselves, because they knew what they'd found.

You do it constantly. There's a present in your closet for November. You bought it in March. You buy the second one because it was so obviously theirs.

And you watch their face for the half second where they realize you were paying attention. You figure everybody's got a drawer.

And you'd see it coming. It slows down first — the specific stuff goes general, and then nothing. You'd know the week somebody stopped wondering about you. And you couldn't tell me the last thing that went in the drawer.

Okay, here's your secret wish. You'd take the four-dollar thing from a gas station over anything with a bow on it — if somebody picked it because it looked like something you said once.

So yeah. There's a rock on your shelf. It's been there eleven years and it's staying.

What to say

None of these are asking for anything. You're leaving something out where somebody can find it.

• "The best thing anybody ever gave me cost four dollars."
• "Ask me why I keep that one."
• "I still have the thing you gave me."

Then let somebody go looking.

What to do

Just be you. You're the one who shows up with the thing. It's what people notice about you.

Enjoy and celebrate everybody. Your thoughtfulness is what makes it special. That's your gift.

Only fall in love with your match. With somebody who's just curious, none of it is work. They were going to look anyway.

Glow with how good it feels. When somebody gets it right, let your face do the thing. That's what they were going for.

Tell them what you kept. Somebody gave you something years ago and you can still put your hand on it. They'd want to know.

What not to do

Don't ask or coach someone to change. You can hand somebody a list. It won't be the same as them finding it.

Never criticize, get mad, or worse. Nothing good has ever gone in the drawer that way.

Never fault someone for not being different — and that includes you. Small things are just how it works for you. Everyone's got theirs.

For the long run

If you've ever felt like you were asking for too much — that wasn't you. It was the match. With your true match, it isn't effort. It's just who they are.

And the looking goes quiet on its own. Nobody decides that. Life gets loud, everybody's got a lot on, and one day it's been a year.

So you give first. Noticing is your thing, and it's what starts the whole thing up again. You might feel like you're telling somebody what to get. Everybody worries about that. Do it anyway.

Or just say let's go out. One night a week, on the calendar, actually protected. It's time to feel special, and something will turn up you didn't buy.

So find something, small and meaningful.